SanchoyoScribbles

12-06-24


want some tunes while you read?

a beautiful monet painting.

So... why journalling online?

I've always been into journalling/keeping a diary! I don't have the best memory, so it's really fun for me to keep one to look back on. My oldest diary that I still have is from when I was in 2nd-3rd grade, but I for sure had ones older than that (does anyone remember password diaries that were voice activated?? me and my sister could never get ours to work!) 

For a while in my early 20s I kept a sort of vent journal but it was making me have a negative association with journalling because I'd only ever write when I was really upset. And to be fair, it kept me from saying nasty things and would actually calm me down, but it was upsetting to re-read later after I had gotten over whatever was bothering me, and made me feel like all I ever wrote about was what was upsetting me, which tended to suck me into a depressive spiral. Like, it made me feel like 'wow, can I write about the good things too? If anyone else read this they'd think my life is awful and I'm always miserable! But I have things to be grateful for, right??'

 There's plenty of real problems in the world to be upset about, without a doubt, far beyond my own personal problems! But there's so much good that's worth talking about and sharing, too. 

Goals and concepts for this space?

I want this to be a space where I can ramble about anything (I am very good at that.). I don't want it to be strictly a journal about my own day to day, but also stuff about whatever shows or books I'm into, little mini tribute/shrine pages, the occasional rants, my various hobbies... lots of things! Anything! Art, animals, what projects I'm working on, random rabbit holes I'm falling into...

I've noticed I have a habit of sectioning off my hobbies into their respective 'zones'- my instagram is JUST for my art; I have an art tumblr for the same, but a separate blog for fanfic, and another for my comic, then another for my main thoughts and personal stuff and reblogs and like... this will be an 'everything goes' place! The goal is to post a few times a month- once a week might be too ambitious, so I'll say maybe my tentative goal is twice a month for now? I want to be realistic, but also keep this as a pretty lowkey little hobby that I'm not stressed over up keeping. I want to have fun with it!

Anyway, that's all I have to say for the intro! I hope anyone reading this will enjoy it as much as I hope that I'll have fun writing for it!

12-18-24

2024 was a good year for my art!! This year I:

- I experimented with watercolors a little bit 
 -redesigned my mewsona, ponysona and fursona
-did a ‘daily may’ challenge where I drew a rough illustration every day in may
-entered two zines (here and here, both are free to download!)
 -did artfight for the first time (my profile!! I ended up getting way more attacks than I expected, everyone was so nice!)
-Made the aqua dress-up game (3~4 months of work on and off! It’s here!)
-Posted a page of the tm2 comic every single week!

 

 

this was a particular highlight for crafts this year! taking a lil kitty toy and making it into aqua's kitty robot form ^_^ (giant godzilla for scale but also because they're friends)

I like to consider what I want to do going into the new year, art-wise, and I’ve been thinking about it for a few weeks as the year wraps up. I don’t want to be too strict or hold myself too hard to any goals I set… 

 

Something I’ve been thinking about (or, maybe worrying myself in circles about??) Is how SLOW the webcomic progress feels. One page a week means roughly 2 ½ chapters a year. If I’m right, it should end up being around 50 chapters, give or take a few. At the current pace that would take 20 YEARS?? Like, I know, reasonably, there are webcomics that have gone on for 10+ years, but my goodness… It freaks me out to think about the passage of time. Like, it’s a constant source of anxiety for me! I get frustrated, thinking ‘I should be faster’, and something I have to constantly remind myself is that with big comic and manga series, there’s usually entire teams behind them inking, toning, coloring, lettering… it’s not usually one person doing everything, and when it is- a lot of the time it's the person’s full time job. And yet my brain wants to hold me to those standards!

If I could somehow crank out a full chapter every month, that would be 12 chapters released a year, and roughly 4 years of time the thing would take overall- which feels a lot more reasonable to my brain. Is there a way I could realistically do that without burning out or hurting myself a la carpal tunnel? I’m…not really sure. If there’s something I can do to streamline the process, I want to consider it. But until then, I’ll try to continue on with the one page a week and being kind to myself even if I feel like it’s going slow!

 

For other 2025 art goals… I would LOVE to do more IRL crafts. More watercolors and some crayon drawings (I have a huge pack of crayons I haven’t even touched in my craft drawer!!) really, I just want to work with the craft stuff I already have but don’t use a ton. 

I also want to learn to sew with a machine! I’ve handsewed some stuff before, but I feel like learning with a machine would really be useful and a lot faster!! Of course I have to save up and research which machines are easiest for beginners and also durable first, but at some point in 2025 I want to at least get started on that! I found a place in town that offers lessons for that AND painting lessons, and I’ve never had formal classes for that sort of thing so I’d really love to check the prices on those and maybe attend a class or two!! 

 

I made the poncho thing here when I saw chappell last year !

   

and this jacket and bowtie! the sequins were soo tedious, and while I think I'd still have to do those by hand probably, a sewwing machine would've sped up the other details, esp the sleeves... 

The same would be true for woodworking… I’ve always admired people who are handy and can build stuff… but there’s no classes for that sort of thing nearby :( I’ve been slowly trying to teach myself more about that too, though. Earlier this year I helped my mom redo her outdoor swing- it's several years old and the cloth seat/backing part dry rotted, so we tore it out and replaced it with wood for the cushions to go over!

I’m also building my nephew a wooden train for christmas…which is ongoing, but I feel like it’s going pretty well so far! It does have me wondering if woodworking is a poor choice for a hobby for impatient people though because wood glue takes 24 hours to cure and I am nothing if not a weekend project hoe. My concept for that is using wooden milk crates for the traincars so he can have a BIG train to put his other toys in and pull around! I’m going to install a bell he can ring and a headlight, and stencil his name on the side when it’s complete. He basically asks for trains every year, so I wanted to make a one of a kind one!! I can’t really start the fun part (painting, decorating) until the wood glue is all done curing, though. -_-

 (I actually took him on a real train ride a few weeks ago and it was delightful. 10/10 America get more passenger trains NOW!!) 

 

IRL crafts aside, I really want to do more digital zines in 2025! I love free, smaller scale collaborative ones. When I first started entering zines online, I pretty much only applied for ones that had a limit for participant numbers, or were for-profit so there was a lot of pressure to 1. Get accepted and 2. Maintain a high standard. These days, I find myself drawn to the free, anyone can enter ones! It’s a lot less pressure and anxiety about being rejected (good for me, a sensitive person) and a lot more chill. The big ones kind of lean towards very… how do I say this.. Marketable styles and people with bigger followings lol? (NO shade, I get why!) Artists of any skill level and many unique styles seem to be in the smaller ones though, and that’s a vibe I love.

I wouldn’t be opposed to hosting/organizing one if I have any fun ideas, either! (actually, fandom-oc ones and magical girls in various fashion decades are two ideas I’ve loosely considered, but are they too self indulgent for me specifically?? I wonder if anyone would want to enter those lol…) either way, if I see any that interest me, I might join in! And if not, I can always make some myself :) I think one centered around oc playlists would be really fun for a solo zine idea and I have a lot of songs I’d associate with them for it!!

I'm not sure if I'll do artfight again in 2025!! save for the last two, I did manage to revenge every attack I got, but I did end up a little overwhelmed lol;; (I don't have that many followers on any given social media so getting almost 40 attacks/revenges is CRAZY??) I would love to if I have time, but I have no clue what I'll have going on around then, so I'm leaving that as a tenative 'maybe' goal! I really only want to do it if I can get back at everyone who draws me something, otherwise I feel guilty ;w; 

 

Anyway, I think that’s about it for realistic art-related goals! I’d love to hear anyone elses goals (they don’t have to be art-related! I do have a few resolutions that aren’t as well x)) happy holidays and happy new year if I don’t write before then! ^_^

01-04-25

I saw Nosferatu today with my mom! I actually have never seen the original, somehow, despite watching a TON of black and white horror flicks with my mom as a kid (vampires and old hollywood monster movies are her favorite thing in the world, so I've had a lot of secondhand exposure to them haha) so I don't have a point of comparison to how well it holds up to the original, but I enjoyed it! I'd love to go and watch the original on youtube, since it's on there in full.

The thing with me and movies though, is that I never know if I enjoyed a movie, or just the euphoric experience of 'going to a movie theater'. I LOVE going to see movies. The nearest theater is 45 minutes away, and the nearest NICE theater is about an hour and a half away. So it's kind of a rare thing to actually go, and I always try to make it an event and dress up! I really love the experience so much that I'll think 'that was a great movie' about just about any movie for like, a week after until I digest it properly and think 'okay, did I enjoy that, or did I enjoy my big popcorn and slushie and the cushy chair?' No joke, I walked out of the first suicide squad movie like 'YAY!! GREAT MOVIE!!' because my brain transmogrifies into the YIPPEE beast under the cover of the velvet wall linings of a movie theater, much like the transformation of a werewolf under a full moon. Exactly like that, in fact. Even with the shirt ripping off. just like this.


So I can't say if it was an objectively 'good' movie, or if I liked it, storywise, yet, because I don't trust my brain on a theater high. Also, horror is really not my usual forte- my sister and mom like it, so I get a lot of exposure to it but I still don't really feel like I'm versed enough in the genre to say if it was a 'good' horror movie.

What I WILL say, and this is spoiler free: the movie was very...textured. It felt Wet; there were a lot of body fluids, mostly drool but blood too of course, a lot of sucking noises and wet and hard breathing. It had a Nasty Wet Grit feeling most of the movie. There were some incredible shots, some VERY uncomfortable shots- I can't wait until it's released digitally so I can stare at the composition of some of them because the framing of the characters was really, really good. I was impressed (grossed out by) the sound design, and the shot transitions were INCREDIBLE. So was the special effects makeup- my god, I really cannot overstate how uncomfortable I was every single time the count and his NASTY fingernails were in frame. It was not a jumpscare-heavy movie, but it jolted between characters in a very disorienting way (I'm sure this was intentional! It was well done!!! I felt a little dizzy/motion sick at times from it tho) . The end shot was absolutely one of the most intense and darkly beautiful things I've ever seen in a movie. And that is my review for now. Nothing about the story because it's pretty new and I don't want to spoil anyone who hasn't seen the original movie! (In fact, they probably changed/added stuff, so even if you've seen the original I'm sure some things will be a surprise!) There were also really cute cats. Always a bonus in my book for a movie. Or any media, really. if it doesn't have cats, wtf, add cats???

ANYWAY, the day leading up to seeing the movie was really fun, too! We went to a bigger city to see it, but it wasn't showing until the afternoon, so me and my mom had a few hours to kill as certified Early Birds. We started at a used book store, which was really fun! I haven't been shopping for books in a while since I read most of mine on the libby app these days... I found an old copy of w.i.t.c.h! I had the whole collection in middle school, and I'm not sure what happened to them... but I have this one now! Just the first graphic novel, but who knows? I might treat myself to more of them at some point! I also got a mixed media sketchbook because they had a sizable blank notebooks section and I said I wanted to do more IRL art this year!! I'm going to keep it at my desk and try to doodle in it whenever I have free time.

We went to a steak n shake after the bookstore- I for sure am not supposed to be eating red meat according to my doctor, but... I've been really good lately. I can have a garlic burger, as a Treat. I NEED to figure out how to make the garlic sauce they use- it's sooo good, it's worth the long drive I have to do to get there. But I'd rather make it at home. I also got a nutella shake, and that's another thing I haven't had in ages- I used to eat nutella banana toast almost every day in middle school for breakfast, and I got so sick of them I didn't eat nutella for years!! I'm also not supposed to have chocolate, but... hazelnut stuff is yummy and it was just a little treat! It felt like a special day so I let myself have special foods.

We walked around a mall nearby to kill more time before the movie. We went in yet another bookstore. There was a Chappell Roan magazine WITH stickers and a poster, and I was like. yuuup, getting that! So I did. And I had one of the funniest interactions with a cashier. She was an older lady and she started by chiding me for not wearing a jacket (for the record, I had been, but I left it in the car because I knew the mall would be warm!) and then pivoted to complimenting my outfit, before looking really critically and being like 'well, let me see what shoes you're wearing with it, actually,' and STEPS OUT FROM BEHIND HER COUNTER TO INSPECT THEM! I was like, oh my god, if this lady hates my shoes I'll die for real. I'll never stop being embarrassed, ever, and die right here of shame. Forever.' ...But she liked them, and gave me a Solemn Nod. She then proceeded to tell me I had the same name as her dog. I really loved her vibe, and I will be laughing about this interaction for a while. I actually got a lot of really kind compliments on my look, which made me really happy! A lot of very kind people in the bathroom with Brightly Colored hair. I wanted to yank my wig off and be like no look!! I also have brightly colored hair right now!!! Under this hair!!! I'm not just cute in this outfit, I'm one of you! hahah

My whole outfit was loosely 20s inspired because I think that's when the original Nosferatu came out and I wanted to be on theme, even if kind of tangentially. I regret not snapping a picture, but it was a long (mid-length?) velvety black and red rose dress with footed leggings that imitate dark pantyhose (but with the coziness of being fleece-lined for this cold weather) a red beret, and little heel boots in a red velvet color with a round buckle on the side. The wig I wore was short and black and curly, very Clara Bow, who was also my makeup inspo for the day! It kind of turned out to be a mish-mash of a few vintage decades with the outfit all together, though. I was constantly irritated by the leggings, which were falling down my legs all day? Really weird problem I've never had with leggings/tights before! I actually had a leggings belt on too with them, but that didn't work :( I think it must be the way they're constructed, since my other leggings and tights don't do that and look like they're the same size?? I'm going to sit down and try to figure out the problem and modify them, because I really like the fleece lining and would hate to have to buy some new ones. They imitate the 'dark pantyhose on skin' tone PERFECTLY on me, too, so finding another perfect match might be annoying…

At the mall, we went to a few stores besides the second bookstore of the day- there was a hippy store my mom and I got way into, because it had a lot of pretty jewelry and 'witchy' stuff. And really Big Pants. I love a big baggy pant. I didn't end up getting any, because with it being a hippy-ish store all of them were in earth tones and I'm usually in pastels, or jewel tones...but I really enjoyed just browsing around and sharing opinions with my mom about all the neat stuff :) I did buy myself a pair of silly sunglasses that are entirely aesthetic and not really functional as sunglasses, as they're baby blue with dangly little crystals...but I love them! I got my sister a pair of strawberry ones, since she's been obsessed with that vibe lately. Also non-functional as proper sunglasses, but my sister is like me in that she can appreciate fully aesthetic, silly little accessories. We did a silly photobooth too :) My mom made a nice comment when we were walking to the car about how she’s glad malls are still thriving in places because she thought they were dying due to online shopping- which is kind of true for some of them, but she’s right- this one seemed really busy, and I dunno- that was nice to see! Something about seeing a lot of people just vibing and hanging out in the food court made me really happy, haha. I really wish we had a mall closer to where we live! Especially on really cold days, it’s great to have somewhere warm to walk around, and I really do love to window shop. It’s fun to visit but gosh…the drive…

I get really, really tense driving in big cities or long distances. I have a lot of driving anxiety, which I think makes me a very careful driver, but by the time we finally got home I had to force myself to un-tense all my muscles and relax. I'm not sure if I genuinely have bad night vision when driving, and squinting + stress caused it, or if the amount of obnoxious LED headlights were what caused my headache on the entire drive back, but man. Head Hurt! Lesson of the day is to bring headache meds in my bag from now on! Giving my mom a nice day out to relax and treat her to shopping, food and a movie was totally worth it, though. It was a lot of fun despite that slightly sour endnote.

As far as my last entry about wanting to make more IRL art goes... I have not done that yet! but buying that notebook surely counts for something maybe?? I want that sketchbook FILLED by the end of the year. I've always wanted to do a sketchbook tour!! I actually have finished a few big pieces of art already, though- I started them all in december... I'm revamping my youtube channel and want to upload the speedpaints sometime this month for those big pieces! One is an Acro Trip fanart, one is of my OC, Cara, for year of the snake since she's a tmm oc infused with snake DNA :)

Acro trip... has anyone who follows me watched that? Another spoiler free/very mild spoilers review: I watched it all, and I've had a chance to digest it: 8/10 anime! Really fresh concept for a magical girl anime. No weird fanservice, VERY cute designs, very silly characters! I adored the main trio. The main magical girl is a huge weirdo and I love her. She seems so cute and normal at first, then she's pulling a FULL SPACE HEATER FROM HER HAT. AND SHE FISHES. Baby. Chrome and Date are hysterical, too, no real notes. The villains of the week creatures are BEARS, which are my favorite animal, so HUGE win on that front. The only reason I'm docking points is the fact I didn't care about the CEO, or the butler or kid, but really, I don't usually care about kid characters in anime. It is very easy for them to get annoying fast. Which is wild to say, because I'm totally fine with like, real kids, it's just anime kids stay irritating lmao?? It's like they dial the brattiness up to an unrealistic level for some reason... And also docking points for a kind of weak nothingburger ending, but it feels very set up for a second season, and I know the manga goes beyond what they covered, so here's to hoping that happens eventually and is good!!

01-10-25

It SNOWED!!! I love snow. It really never snows around here (last year, we didn't get any, and the year before that we got maybe a small little dusting (1) day. I had been hearing from family all week that it would today, but I didn't want to get my hopes up in case it was just a few flurries. NOPE, A BOATLOAD OF SNOW! My birdbath water got frozen solid... I'm not sure what good it'll do, but I felt bad thinking that the birds might have to try and forage under all that snow that's taller than them, so I scattered seeds on top of the snow. I tried to take my cat out with her leash on the porch to see the snow, but she hated it and immediately turned around and went back in. Me, my sister, and my nephew played in it though, throwing snowballs and making a tiny snow guy (not quite tall enough to be a snowMan, and he was kind of cone-shaped...but he's winking! so cute.) and taking pictures :) Since coming in I've just been sitting by the window, enjoying it and trying to burn the image of it into my brain since it happens so sparingly. Its turning to ice now, and there's a few tiny icicles hanging on the underside of the cars and roof.

Weather talk aside... yesterday I was running errands for my grandma and went to get some stuff from the store for her (just in case she gets snowed in) and there were VALENTINE'S CANDIES AND DECOR ALREADY! And normally I say wait until the month of a holiday to put things in the stores for it (why are christmas decorations put up in stores around the same time as halloween ones now???!) BUT. Valentine's is my favorite. I love the vibe of it. My sappiest dream is to have a wife who buys me flowers (and who I can buy flowers and or chocolates for) without having to ask (and she will check which are safe for cats before, lmao)... I love getting flowers. Stomach doctor says no chocolates, but flowers are always a safe bet for valentines... I also used to love those little conversation heart candies, before they changed the formula. They're kind of ass now. Really sad. Anyway, I'll probably end up getting myself flowers regardless, and maybe pick up a few cute little bobbles to put on my desk for Valentines. I had a mini tree on my desk for the holidays, and a little pumpkin cat before that for Halloween, so I think decorating my workspace is just going to turn into tradition for as long as I have my current work from home job.

Chapter 3 of tokyo miracle is wrapping up! I'm a kind of plan-as-I-go person- my method is usually to draft rough outlines of the entire story but then write important details and snippets as I think of them- Then when I get close to a new chapter I'll actually sit and thumbnail/script it out in detail. I don't like planning things too strictly- it's exciting when it's actually time to get to that scripting phase!

This is how I did nanowrimo a few years ago, and the longform fics on my ao3- and both of my longest works were written in short bursts like this. I'm really glad I've found this method that works super well for me. I was recently watching a webcomic advice video, and they said to script the WHOLE THING before starting! I feel dizzy thinking of that- it may work well for professionals, but I think that would take a lot of the fun out of it for me and I would be putting it off forever. I know where my story will end, and I know the major beats and how the characters will change and grow, but the destination to that is fun to discover! And doing it my way allows for me to make changes as I decide to, lots of time for me to let things simmer and develop more in my mind, haha... If I would have went with the original tokyo miracle story I had planned, back when I was 17 or so, it would be a VERY different story.
(this was some of the original/earliest art of the girls!
their designs and personalities have changed SO much haha.
I'd love to do a full entry at some point of everything I've changed and why...!)
As worried as I get about taking too long for things, I'm grateful I did wait and consider things for so long, redoing the story over and over, and failing other attempts at making it a comic. I did actually learn a lot from those failed attempts, as cheesy as that sounds... I know how I work best, and I hope I continue to learn and grow as both an artist, writer, and storyteller this year! And I really hope people love the upcoming chapter, it's really different from the first 3... ;)

03-13-25

AHHH long time no entries!! In my defense, I got Super Sick in February, and most of the month passed in a brainfoggy haze. Many fevers, waking up throwing up, and not being able to breath through my nose. It was pnuemonia + a severe sinus infection and then the first period I've had in months all hitting me at once..

(sidenote: since I finally cracked and bought insurance this year since my job won't provide it, I can actually like..go to the doctor again? wild. It still makes me super uncomfortable- something about being poked and prodded (BIG needle fear, but I can tough it out so long as I don't SEE the syringe, yikes) then having to TALK about things that are bothering me...eugh. I hate it. I always feel weirdly guilty like- am I sick enough to actually warrant this?? (yes, it turns out I was, because I got put on 5-6 different medications and even then, a month later I'm still not 100% better. Also, this is not something I would advise internalizing like I did because it took years to get a lot of my more severe diagnoses because of this mindset... TwT;; if you're sick, go to the doctor, okay?)

ANYWAY due to that, I haven't been drawing a ton, which is always really weird for me. I like drawing as much as I can, but my brain felt too...fizzy to do much of anything. I started playing animal crossing a lot again, which was nice! There's a few item recipes I'm still hunting for, like the bamboo bench (in season right now, so maybe I'll have some luck?), the wooden shop sign (I think it's from jock villagers, and I have none atm!!), and a lot of the zodiac/shooting star recipes... but I completed the fossil part of the museum the other day, and that made me really happy!! My main goal with it right now is to breed every variation of flowers, I'm still missing a few... I want my island to be covered in flowers EVERYWHERE, but at the moment they're in places they shouldn't be, like walkways, just so I can breed them, haha... it looks pretty messy. But when Peachvilla is done, I'll stick the dream address code on this website so you guys can visit! <3

In February, I wanted to make a cute entry on here about looking at my star signs and love compatibility stuff for valentines for fun. Valentines is my FAVORITE holiday, I really adore all the pink and heart shaped stuff... but this year I was too sick to enjoy it or to sit and write anything. I did get some discount candy, which was nice!! Not a ton, since I'm not supposed to eat chocolates... but some gummies!! And eating them kinda hurt, so I really need to make a dentist appointment soon because I'm pretty sure I have a cavity, OTL. my sister's bithday is the week of valentine's too, and I still feel kinda bad I didn't make her a cake (but making someone a cake when you're sick is a Bad Idea right? she was understanding.)

That aside... It's Spring!!! I love Springtime, it's my favorite time of the year, watching everything come alive!!! There's a ton of daffodils sprouting in our yard, (some are even split-cupped!!) and I have a beautiful view of a cluster of them right outside my window. Today it was warm enough to open my window while I worked, something both me and my cat enjoyed together. It seems like more bugs and birds are visiting the feeder and birdbath too, as everything gets greener. :)

_{everyone say thank you flowers for defeating the seasonal depression}

This time of year always makes me want to reinvent myself... and want to fall in love! I'm such a romantic person, I've always wanted to be in love...I get crushes really easily, but the idea of a real relationship can make me sorta sqeamish... some people would say I'm too picky, and that might be true, honestly?

I want to be with someone who buys me flowers and will spend hours thrifting with me, going on little adventures... someone who likes nature too, so we can go on hikes and zoos together... someone who doesn't mind working more than I do and letting me take care of things at home-

(I feel like it's super necessary to put a disclaimer on this one with the rise of tradwife shit: I hate traditonal gender roles, I am not a woman and I say this due to my various medical and mental illnesses, LMAO, I am not trying to be childrearing or pushing on that regressive bs. I do not mean it in a weird way, I just mean any partner I have who wants to be longterm would have to accept that they'd be doing 70% of income earning and I'd be doing 30%. But I'd do the errands and chores to make up for it, yk? I think there'd still be Balance...)

And someone who's thinking about long term, publicly and loudly adoring with words of affirmation! Because I get in my head a lot and worry over so much... But asking for that can be tricky... I feel like being both a lesbian and ace make trying to date in a small town SO hard for a lot of reasons, like...people are still majority conservative republicans here, so a lot of women I've met are just interested in one night stands, and do not want to be public, which is NOT my vibe even if I get why and totally understand...but UGH the idea of long distance does not sit well with me either, as someone whose loves Chilling in person doing lil dates. The crazy thing is, I don't feel like these are even that insane of asks, but if that was true I'd already be in a longterm relationship, right?

_{When I was younger, I imagined the type of person I'd date would be someone to sweep me off my feet. I guess I never gave up that daydream of a girlknight to my lesbian prince. For now I'll indulge that fantasy with cheesy romance novels.}

The funny thing about this is... I'm sorta turning into the person I'd call 'my type'. I love when people are a bit intimidating, but skilled at things like auto repair or  woodworking, and passionate about their personal projects... guess what things I've been learning about recently?? Not that I'm an expert at either, but... I've been learning how to maintain my car the last few months, and I did woodworking and wire splicing stuff for my nephew's christmas present... I wouldn't call myself intimidating (I try really hard to be nice!!!) but I've been called that before because I'm quiet and blunt sometimes IRL?? TwT I guess... for someone with a romantic heart, the next best thing to being in love with someone is loving yourself...? It certaintly doesn't hurt- I think having a lot of self worth has saved me from being in a bad situation plently of times.

💙💙💙

On a different note: I've been listening to a lot of crystal castles, Annie Dirusso, and newdad!! It's so nice of some bands to make songs exclusively about my ocs (hahah, but no, really, it's great finding music you can so clearly image AMVs to. hard recommend for all of them.)

check out newdad! here's a playlist of some of my favs! If you like the twilight soundtrack, you'll like this.

_{Sidenote: despite my town's atrocious politics, I love the nature, a lot of the people who aren't like that, and the slow living vibe...I get kind of irritated when I see posts online that are just like 'gays, move to big cities!! be safe!!" as if... crimes don't happen in big cities?? Telling people to move away from their families and friends is kind of crazy too..I LIKE my town! I want to stay and improve it!! I am well aware of the problems, but I want to be loudly lesbian so others feel comfortable and feel safe!! Also big cities seem so expensive?? 'just move away if you don't like it' is such a nuts take and I hate it. Not everyone has the money or resources to entirely uproot, even if they want to, anyway. Rant of the day OVER lol}

04-20-25

At the start of last week we got the news our landlord was sending people to our house to fix my parent's flooring. For a year or two their room has been getting increasingly uneven, and got to the point where it felt like walking across it a hill because of the slope. This is an old house so it's not really surprising it's sinking; we've been here since I was a kid and its pretty overdue for a remoding. I was happy for them getting the new floor, but I was struggling to work- I work from home, and their room is right next to mine. Imagine 4000 jigswas and hammering sounds, constantly. I also had to be the one who talked to them and let them in every morning because I was the only one home, since my parents got a hotel for the week while they worked on their room, and I am not the best at socalizing so that was a little scary (they were perfectly nice! I just get nervous)

Then two days into working, one of the men knocked on my room and asked to take a look, since it's right next to my parents. He walked in and was like 'yup, it's uneven in here too. We'll start on it tomorrow' ... I was really surprised; my room IS uneven too, but it's not as bad as my parent's room, so I wasn't sure our landlord would shell out the money to fix it too? Not only that, but it was really, REALLY last minute. My sister helped me move everything out of the room except the biggest furniture, the construction team offered to move that, which was really nice of them.

My original plan was to just sleep on the couch but there's no way I could have stayed in the living room with them coming in and out with the lumber. On account of my cat being a Run Risk. And I wasn't about to keep her in her carrier for however many days it took, so I packed her up and checked for cat-friendly hotels in town. There weren't a ton of options. The one I ended up at was okay. Just Okay. Maybe I have high standards...?

it was a sort of sterile place, all greys, whites, and beiges. Not my vibe. But it was funny how small Godzilla looked on the huge bed.

To be honest the breakfast spread was kinda lacking? I think hotels should have mandatory Waffles, but there were none. Not even pancakes either. I ended up filling a plate with things like mini muffins, fruits, and yogurts to put in my mini fridge and just snacked on those instead of going and getting groceries. There was no microwave in the room, either, which was a bummer. The bathroom has soaps in... soap jails?? They had full sized liquid soaps/shampoo/conditioners, but they were locked to the walls so people wouldn't take them- and hot take, but hotels should also always have the cute mini ones for the taking. I guess it is less wasteful, but... a few years ago (2023 I think?) when I stayed in Atlanta to see Chappell Roan, the hotel there gave me full sized shampoo and conditioner to take home! Maybe I got spoiled off of that...

the girl yearns for freedom.

Overall the hotel would have been fine, since I just needed a place to work and let my cat hang out too. Except our upstairs neighbors were really, really loud, and every little noise had my cat running under the bed! I only booked the hotel for two days since I didn't expect the floor to take longer than that, but when they were still working and I had to check out at 11, I thought 'let's look for another place, my cat is gonna be nervous if we do another two days here'. (For what its worth, the staff was exceptionally nice and loved my cat, lol, any problems I had were NOT their fault and overall minor, just me being fussy.)

So I found a cabin place in town, through a website rather than expedia like I had been using, and called them asking if they had any cabins open. It was really last minute, so I was expecting to be told no, but the lady was really accomodating and put me in a huge 4 br cabin for the price of one person!! The hotel felt really sterile, but this place was warm and cozy. It was actually built in the 1800s and refurbished/rebuilt.

a lot of the furniture was also vintage and handcrafted. The whole place smelt like sweet wood. The amount of taxidermed animals felt a little.. unsettling, but not out of character for my area. (this moose's ears were bigger than my cats whole head. Very Very large, pictures do NOT capture the scale...)

Godzilla immediately took of to explore when I let her out of her crate- she had her jiggle bell collar on so I'd know where she was in the big cabin. I worried she'd struggle with the loft area since our house doesn't have stairs, especially such steep ones, but that was one of her favorite areas! I kept getting nervous she would just leap off OTL.



I actually do not like stairs, esp such steep ones, so I stayed in the master bedroom on the first floor. I spent the first hour or two after I unpacked just wandering around. There were a lot of cute vintage things all around the house, like old product boxes and old photos and posters.

There was no wifi so I was forced to relax and not work; I guess I could have used a hotspot with my phone, but that would have probably been really really slow (my phone was already pretty slow as it is- I tried to send my sister pictures and it took 5 minutes for them to go through...)

Forced random vaction. (for whatever two days at a hotel then two days at a cabin counts as a vaction? A staycation, I guess... I was still tecnhcially within my own town, lol)

There was a jacuzzi. I stayed in the jacuzzi... a lot. Listening to music and just trying to relax. Which was a little hard, because I kept thinking I should be at home helping (there wouldn't have been a lot for me to do, but still, my brain kept making me feel bad for relaxing while my parents were at some cheaper hotel with No Jacuzzi.)
I did have my swimsuit in my bag because I wanted to hang out at the pool at the hotel, but it turns out it was closed and only open in the summer. which is weird because it was an indoor pool??? whatever. friendship ended with hotel now cabin is my best friend.

I also just did a lot of lounging in the living room with my cat during the day, watching whatever was on cable
(mostly hallmark movies, or the music channels whenever I was cleaning, drawing or cooking).

There was a fireplace that I turned on the first night for about an hour. I have never been around gas stoves or gas lines so I got really scared it would like...explode me or my cat so I didn't keep in on very long, hahah. Just to try and get some cute pictures (and then my phone had the audacity to not capture the fire very well, they are all blurry...)

It was overall really nice, except the first night my anxiety decided 'we are going to get axe murdered here' so I had to get up three times to triple check all the doors and windows were locked. The second night I was a lot more tired so my brain was not on hampster-mode and didn't have that problem, thankfully. There was a journal to write about your stay there on the nightstand, so I wrote a very brief little entry and drew my cat so people who stay there after me can see her (: I had fun reading the other entries too, something really sweet about people writing about their trips. Since it's a bigger cabin a lot of the entries were friends or families celebrating events there together.)

I did also walk around the property to explore and found cute flowers and a little fairy bridge! Very sweet. I heard dogs and roosters very distantly, so there might be a farm on the property somewhere (or a neighbor to the cabin area- I did see cows on the drive there!)


somebody was NOT happy that I went on a walk without her, though.

On the second day at the cabin I was sitting in the living room on the phone with my mom and in the middle of the conversation, I looked out the window and saw a HUGE snake. 4-5 feet long, black and grey with speckles.

(Still have no idea what kind of snake this is, either??) I didn't get close enough to scare the fella, so the pictures are zoomed in and blurry:


It kind of made my day to see :) Really cool... It didn't stay for long, just passed over the rail and went down to the ground, and I didn't see it again. On the last day I got up early to watch the sunrise and have tea before I packed up, did the dishes, took out the trash, then left for home. It wasn't until I was unpacking I realized I left my loofah in the shower there :( Oh well... I'm glad I didn't forget anything expensive at least? I took a LOT of showers while there because I was washing the clorine smell off everytime I got out of the jacuzzi. Kind of excessively, but at least I guess I know the jacuzzi was safe?? It smelled so strong it burned my eyes the first time I opened the cover.



In any case I'm glad to be home now, even though my room is a massive mess. It's cool to have new hardwood floors! The carpet that was in here was like 15+ years old. Still, I almost wish I could've stayed at the cabin longer, because it was really cool. I'd like to go back at some point for no other reason other than my cat seemed to really enjoy it too:





Other than that... coming back home, I've been filled with a weird neediness. I'm a pretty shy person, but lately my brain has been like 'we NEED attention or we will DIE right NOW!!!' I'm not sure if this is because I just spent like 4-5 days basically alone with just my cat when I'm used to being in a house with other people, or if I'm feeling a little bad my art posts have been flopping a little lately, and I am also not sure how to remedy this feeling (or how to make it pass faster more realistically? It feels way too weird to reach out to people and basically beg for attention, even though I think most creatives crave it...it's also bad to place self-worth on that kind of thing... so a lot of conflicting feelings. Spring is always a weird time, like because I have more energy I want to take on more, bigger projects, but also want to be rewarded for said projects somehow... I'm trying not to get in over my head and do anything too crazy while I'm in this kind of mental state, lmao. The last time it felt this bad I brought back the webcomic! TwT)

PS: happy 4/20 AND Easter to those who celebrate both or either. I don't partake in either but seeing the jokes about them falling on the same day yet again make me giggle :)

07-17-25

Last week I went to see Ballerina (From the World of John Wick: Ballerina (2025) dir. Len Wiseman). I am not usually into action movies, but it was either that or superman and- tbh, if its a choice between Ana De Armas and that Guy...... I'm lesbian? LMAO (I will be watching superman at some point…it being more recent I also felt like the theater would be more crowded for that showing…)


I haven't seen any of the other John Wick movies. But I was determined to watch a movie on my off day- I had already driven about an hour, and by the time I got to the mall it was POURING rain, so I was going to be stuck there until that let up regardless. The movie had been out long enough that there were only three other people in the theater with me, which was pretty ideal- I got the whole back row to myself in a big comfy reclining chair, had my little slushie and popcorn- and NO clue what to expect.

I would give the movie a solid 7/10!

What I liked: VERY funny violence (I think the rest of the John Wick movies are equally slapstick violence from what I've heard?) GREAT costuming and lighting (I LOVE when a movie is Stylish and Pretty), Ana De Armas KILLED ITTTT. Fantastic soundtrack too. Obviously fun choreo (spoiler: flamethrower fight???!).

What I didn't love: sort of weak scripting? I wish any of the characters felt less...fleeting. Ana's character, Eve, had a sister mentioned in the very first scene, and I rightfully guessed she'd appear later, but she was barely in a brief scene before...dying! If you're going to mention her in the FIRST SCENE why wouldn't she have more emphasis? You could entirely cut her out of the movie and it'd still make perfect sense, which makes me, a fan of long lost sibling plots, very sad. They absolutely could've done more with that.

The same can be said for John Wick showing up: to Eve, he's what she wants to be, apparently...? A hardened badass killer… As someone who hadn't watched the other movies, I didn't super love the fanservice fight between them: it felt like it was saying 'look, she OBVIOUSLY can't beat John haha don't worry Fans! He's still number one! Even though she's tough and kicks ass we won't let her be THAT strong!' And I suspect if she did kick his butt (which- she was doing to an ENTIRE TOWN?? SO WHY IS THIS WHERE WE DRAW THE LINE?) diehard fans would've been annoyed about THAT and called her a mary sue or some other misogynistic term. I think the movie would've been better if he just...was not there. Having him in maybe 2 scenes did not add much for me. I suspect they were going for more grounded fights between them, but it felt weird having one fight that felt serious with no slapstick contrasted against…every other fight, basically?? It was tonally off.

Norman Reedus was there too, playing the same type of character he always plays, with the same ratty look and lack-of-inflection (I am so sorry to my walking dead girlies but I've NEVER gotten the appeal of him and probably never will LOL) but at least his character and his character's daughter were supposed to mirror Eve and her passed father, so he felt like he had a Point, even if I felt like...idk less of a famous actor would've benefited that character? Like it went from 'ohhh thematic parallels how fun' to 'omg norman reedus is in this?? what??' AAHH.

I also felt like I wish Eve's friend from the ballerina stuff would've been included more! The movie felt like it WANTED to do more character stuff but was not given the room to. It did end with her watching her friend very wistfully, which was sweet? (Sapphic undertones, esp since Eve very pointedly did not have a romance or even flirted with any men in the whole movie, whereas her friend leaving had her very distraught, and was what drew Eve back to the area she left...)

I also wish the ballet stuff had been incorporated in the fights more- it would've done wonders to set her more apart from John Wick, and incorporated her background! If you miss the first 20 minutes of the movie you wouldn't even KNOW she was intended to be a ballerina, because she just resorts to guns (after the movie's training scenes REALLY try to hammer in the fact she'll always be smaller and weaker than large men, and she needs to get creative to win! It's just 80% guns after that, lmaoo) On the other hand, my gay ass would also be inclined to say it's the best John Wick movie and anyone should watch it because it's colorful, fun, and has Ana De Armas in that sparkly dress AND a suit. She could slot very neatly into the birds of prey movie because of how comic book-ish the movie and character felt. This is not a complaint on my part.



Unrelated: I haven't been keeping up with this as a journal space as much as I'd like to! In my defense, my spoons have been very Low, and I've been spending a lot of energy drawing when I have time off work... Back at the start of June, I did take a small weekend trip with my family! We'd never had a family vacation, so I wanted to plan that sort of thing... mostly for my nephew who wanted to see the Titanic Museum. Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge is a several hours drive from where we live and is kind of tourist-y (it's where dollywood is!) but it's still less busy than like... idk, Disney or something, so I don't mind too much.

We took two cars between my parents, my sister, my nephew, and my sister's bf tagging along, and got three rooms. I ended up coordinating all of that, all the events, and food... I don't MIND planning a whole itinerary myself, but I also told my sister I was turning into an 'Evil Dictator' because anytime I asked someone if they had preferences it was always 'idk I like anything!' but when I made a choice it was 'oh, I really don't want to go to a pancake house/asian food/etc right now...' THEN YOU DO HAVE PREFERENCES?!?

The most fun I had was when I split off from the group one of the days to just take ubers around and do my own thing. I feel bad for saying that, but I am easily overstimulated and was legitimately getting cranky over wrangling so many people. I got to see black bears and go to the apple barn, which is objectively one of my favorite places in the entire world on account of I Love Apples, (if you haven't been to Gatlinburg and ever get the chance, PLEASE go there first!) I got to have their dessert wines, apple ice cream, ate at the restaurant, got apple butter and granny smith apple gummies...I Love Apple!!! I had really lovely convos with the uber drivers too, esp since it took us like 20 minutes to go just a few miles due to how congested the traffic was...

I also randomly got the chance to try weed with my MOTHER which was hysterical. 10/10 would do that again but maybe gummies or brownies next time because the smoke made the back of my throat itch for the next 4 hours.

Our car ended up leaving really really early because my dad wanted to beat the traffic (we left my sister, her bf and my nephew to sleep in and check out of the hotel after us) and we left before dark, which also weirdly ended up being a highlight of the trip- the streets were dark and empty and it was really eerie to see the place that had been SO SO busy before basically turn into a ghost town for a while. Having ice cream every day of the trip was also pretty Cool.

But it must be said, as much as I really enjoyed doing something nice for my family like this, next time I am either going solo or just bringing 1-2 other people. NOT that many. I do want to revisit Gatlinburg when I save up the money (I have doctors appointments I need to take care of before then...) maybe when it's cooler so I don't melt into a puddle again and can actually visit more of the little artisan shops!

Some cute pics from the trip:


This pottery shop where they make everything in store was one of the first stops- so cute!!! I loved seeing all the differences on each little animal figure..


Another highlight of the trip was seeing historical clothes at the Titanic Museum and this random general store's display!



And the sheer amount of BEARS!!!! I know it's the smokey mountains, and they're known for it, but...there were SO MANY EVERYWHERE!!! On buildings, in every store, plushies, REAL BEARS?! Peep my bear backpack... I got that at the Apple Barn B) (I also got told I looked like a 'wedding cake' in that outfit, which I am choosing to accept as a compliment.)


Some Misc stuff- for some reason, I very vividly remembered this kind of scary horse from the first time I went to Gatlinburg a few years back, at the Ripley's musuem, so I wanted to see if he was still there. He was, and still kind of scary. Also pictured: a cute little area by the shopping area in Gatlinburg, and apple sundae ice cream! It was SO yummy, it was sweltering hot so the fruit was super refreshing!



And Some More Misc stuff- my personal favorite outfit (again, it was kinda too hot to wear, so after I swam in the hotel's pool that afternoon I didn't put the full thing back on, just the base jumper without all the accessories, lmao) A shot from the aquarium- I wish I would've gotten more pictures, but it was SOOO crowded and I honestly was very overstimulated. I at least got to see them feed the rays and watched them do excited flips and play, which was one of the cutest things ever- and the drive home! It had just rained, so the sky was dark on one side, and lit up orange on the other as the sun rose about an hour into our drive. Very pretty. ...

Right now it's artfight season, which means drawing a lot of magical girls! I’m working through my hitlist from LAST YEAR slowly but surely haha! I've been trying hard not to burn out, which has meant me dividing up my week into halves; half one, sun-wed, is for artfight if I'm drawing, and the rest of the week is for comic art or personal art (sidenote, I'm almost done posting ch4???!! WILD!!! Time is passing...I feel like I jUST started the comic??!) It feels really nice to be able to focus a lot of this chapter on Cara. My special little snake girl. NOT that I play favorites with my ocs, BUT........ she's so fun. Love her.

Hope you've all been doing well!! <3